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Saturday, September 18, 2010

Will I Be Normal?

Dear Heppy
when it comes to you there's always more questions than answers
let's take a supposedly very simple question right?
what is normal and how does it feel?
30 seconds...
20 seconds...
10 seconds...
sorry time's up!
i don't know what the answer is, i don't know if always feeling sleepy and tired since i can remember is your fault, if you've been with me all my life then yes it's possible but if you weren't then why am i like that and if i win with you will it improve, stay same or get worse?
see where i'm coming from?
let's see what else,
feeling cold most of the time always blamed on thyroid but may have been due to vit D deficiency that is normal in people infected with you
gastrointestinal problems, bloating and water retention that i blamed PCOS for but maybe you just share the bonds between you and it doesn't matter in the end?
mood swings and depressive states i always thought were just me being a misshapen and unfitting person - thank god tyrosine has changed that
those are things that have been with me since early days but there are also new recent ones, major one being brain fog, i've always loved words and collecting them was my hobby but recently i find it progressively harder to find even simple ones... i know what word i want to use but its alphabetical transliteration doesn't come for ages, i can't remember what happened previous day unless given memory anchor, sometimes i'm not sure anymore which planet i live on, it's a bit unsettling to be losing mental capacity that used to be readily available at a drop of a hat...
in general it's not very bad you know, i manage, i have things under control thanks to numerous supplements and vitamins that i take, thanks to them my brain wakes up when the body gets up, i have physical and mental energy to scramble out of the bed and start the day and i can function with more often than not happy spirit so i forget what it is like without my bionic fixtures and believe me you without them things are not as rosy at all, think pink bunny without its energizer batteries image, yeah quite not fun, quite flat and motionless actually
so if i don't know answer what it means to feel normal i am left to wonder if i find out once you're gone or will it all stay with me or get worse?
i don't rule out anything but my curiosity and hope that for once i could taste what it means to feel like healthy humans feel is one of the reasons that keeps me determined to try to get rid of you
and hopefully i will

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