Broken

Dear Heppy
i've been keeping my cards close to the chest but after what happened today i am just beyond it, i don't care anymore, i'm too tired...
you see the next day after my fiasco visit with the consultant i rang the nurses to tell them i had made my decision and wished for SOC tx,
nurse told me she would tell the consultant of my decision and informed me i would have to wait for about 3 weeks for the script for the tx drugs to come in,
i was delighted yet at the same time very anxious because i knew the consultant could put a stop to it,
well i was right, i had thought that if i didn't hear anything from them after a full week it would mean i was out of the woods, wrong!
painfully long two weeks later of me hoping and expecting prescription in the mail, i got a phone call today,
nurse informed me that consultant says he doesn't want me to go through 'suboptimal treatment' and advises me to wait for PIs to come out, i replied that despite that i still wish for SOC tx,
she said in that case there's nothing more she could do and i have to talk to him personally and that he would ring me today or tomorrow,
well he didn't ring me today, possibly won't ring me tomorrow either,
i give him till friday,
if i don't hear anything by then i'm gonna ring up one last time and ask for my medical file to be sent to myself or my GP because i've had enough of that circus,
i've wasted 7 months for worrying and waiting every single day - all for nothing,
i want to move on with my life, forget about hepatitis and live as if it never happened for another 10 years or so and maybe by then you will manage to do some noticeable damage that medical world will recognize as worthy any effort or attention and maybe by then there will be non INF treatments available,
or maybe we are bound to be together forever?
i don't hate you Dear Heppy, it's none of your fault, you are what you are,
it's humans i hate,
i hate them more than ever before,
they are worse than any virus and sometimes i think they deserve to extinct,
me